Leave drunken letters in one's mailbox? Avoiding drunk texting altogether is highly unlikely, and with all the latest technology drunk tweeting and drunk face booking are bound to be inevitable as well. When you drunk text at least you can see and evaluate the damage the next day. When we pour out our hearts and leave our dignity on the screen is it truly a reflection of what we feel subconsciously, or are we just under the influence and saying things we would never even consider sober? Usually, as the night began to wind down and it was time for a cab ride home, out would come the trusty cellular device to mock me and my loneliness. Or just simply “Hey” to a number that should be off limits in ANY EVENT text? I spent the greater part of my 20s in a vodka-induced blur of partying, staying out all night and random hookups. In the beginning, there was the drunk dial. Sending an apology text just shows you're soberly thinking about them, and that's even worse. There's nothing more mortifying than waking up to the realization that you did indeed engage in drunk texting the night before. 5 But when you drunk snap? It's just too easy to use alcohol as a crutch for explaining lewd behavior. Here are some of the funniest drunk texts anyone has ever sent. I, for one, hope my phone dies soon, because I will not shed a single tear. Who am I? Then, there was the drunk text message. I can nevertheless still think of a handful of scenarios where something like Drunk Post Translator might possibly be a useful service. Drunk people who have to tell you everything via text when they're a dozen deep, bro. The “Whrt I'm saying is so pathetic I'm gonnajumble it up to the poimt it's nt readable” text? It wasn't a dream after all. Drunk Mode. “Attention!” “Put the cell phone down and put your hands where I can see them!”. If you text, you flake, and poorly at that. Now, because we're living in the Future, there's the sober-"drunk" message, because why actually attempt to compose logical strings of letters when your whole world is spinning when you've got Drunk Post Translator to do the "drunk" composing for you? The classic “I'm soooooo drunk” text? Let's try another scenario. I'd say we're pretty fortunate that technology has brought us this far, though. Know what's also the absolute worst? Texting while drunk may be even more widespread than drunk dialing due to the fact that it’s relatively easier to send a text than make a phone call. You Want to Make "Social Commentary" of Drunk Texters, Because Getting Drunk (and Texting) Actually Sucks. Right? Let DTT do the work for you: Well, there you have it. I think after several nights of this routine I had drunk texting down to an art. And that's when it hits you. Which drunk text were you guilty of? So you're having a tough time nailing the voice for Jacques, the disheveled, yet brilliant daytime-drunk protagonist in that screenplay you've been writing for a while now. It would take several years to live down my debauchery. Awkward texting is the new lie detector test, after all. Just enter a blurb in the text field, select a filter (Tipsy, Drunk, Very Drunk, or Smashed), click 'Translate,' and you're on your way: And yet you're probably asking, why/how is this an actual thing? What better way, then, to joke with a friend (you know, the one who also bailed on the aforementioned party, for similar reasons) about that one dude who has to tell you everything via text when he's a dozen deep, bro: You're Having Trouble Writing the Part of the "Day-Drunk Freelancer" in That Screenplay You Swear You're Almost Done Writing. It's as if erasing them from your inbox will create the illusion they never even happened. Then, there was the drunk text message. Originally posted on the author's personal blog. That's literally as far as I can imagine Drunk Text Translator coming in handy. Or at least those of us who can’t help but get tipsy and tell someone something we’ve decided is incredibly important, even if we can’t spell any of the words we are trying to say. Drunk Texting. Is it true what they say? Drunk texts: we all send them. Avoiding drunk texting altogether is highly unlikely, and with all the latest technology drunk tweeting and drunk face booking are bound to be inevitable as well. What did they do in the old days? I'll hazard to guess that more often than not, you want to appear far less drunk than you really are when you're drunk and texting. However, once the body acknowledges these basic needs, the mind is free to walk through other necessary details: Where am I? Where's my pho -- FUCK. You know you've really outdone yourself when the number isn't even stored in your phone and you've drunk dialed on memory alone. People that fall in this category are exes, one night stands and the occasional fuckboy. It's a simple hack, and it does exactly what you might expect it to do: translate otherwise sober-sounding text into drunk-sounding text. In the beginning, there was the drunk dial. Let's face it: Getting drunk is the absolute worst. Take it in stride and move on with your life. It all begins when you start to drift in and out of your drunken state. Are a drunk man's words a sober man's thoughts? But what if there were a way to bail on your friend's party (you know, the one you said on Facebook you'd attend) when it's already 10pm, your bed feels great, and… Well, why even bother? In the same study that looked at students’ drunk dialing, 89% of participants had sent a text message while drunk, and 43.6% said that they felt guilty about it later. Send drunken telegrams? Just pretend like you're too far gone to show up: Looks pretty convincing, no? Introducing the Drunk Post Translator, a site that takes your sober, eloquent, totally coherent texts and turns them into sloppy, error-riddled, profanity-laden drunk ones. Free on iOS and Android When things get straight-up sloppy, this app is here to save you from yourself. “No, I didn't text you, vodka did,” is the best explanation for the following morning while you're perusing through your phone deleting texts even you are too embarrassed to read. You could've flat out said "I love you" and you'd have absolutely no recollection. Whichever route you decided to take, it's likely no amount of damage control is going to redeem you the following morning, so don't even try. We've all been there. Was it the “I'm in love with you and everyone else I know” drunk text? Not so much. Well, most of us. How did I get here? And I could write an essay on why Snapchat should 1,000 percent be disabled from phones when drunk. By signing up to the VICE newsletter you agree to receive electronic communications from VICE that may sometimes include advertisements or sponsored content. I should probably employ someone with a megaphone to follow me from bar to bar and shout at me every time my hands start to wander from my beer to my phone. Where's my car? The poor guy never files on time, texting his editor a half-hour before deadline, begging for an extension. Or the “I hate you and everyone else I know” drunk text? The pounding in your head and the body's desperate plea for hydration consume your immediate thoughts, tricking your mind into thinking you're safe. As you desperately try to piece the night back together you begin the scroll of shame through your outbox.

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